Astros Something
Diamondbacks Something else
This has been a hell of a week. I mean it’s not every week you find yourself aired out on the internet, but there you go. I thought earlier this week that maybe I’d write about the trades–there was sure to be new players on the Astros tonight–so I started searching the internet for trade rumors. First thing I found when I googled “Astros trade rumors” was this:
Ken Rosenfeld reports that Astros fansite Orange Whoopass, AKA Stars & Stripes, is in discussions to trade star recapper Sphinx Drummond and NeilT to Padres fan forum Gaslamp Corner for the young recapper PadreSapien.
What the . . . I had no clue that OWA was looking to make a move. I immediately PM’d Sphinx to see what he knew. “Yeah, Waldo had PM’d me to let me know this might be out there. He said there was nothing definite, that management was thinking they needed some youth and that the Gaslampers admired my veteran presence.”
“But Sphinx,” I PM’d right back, “if it’s you they want, why am I being mentioned?”
Sphinx didn’t answer. I called my agent.
“HH, this is NeilT . . . Yeah, you know, your recapping client over at OrangeWhoopass.Com . . . No, I don’t need you to kick me in the junk . . . Listen, have you heard any rumors about me being traded to some Padres website, they know I don’t surf, right? . . . What do you mean you figured, it was a smart move for OWA? . . . I’m the highest paid OWA recapper, and they want to cut cost? After they found out I didn’t have a funny bone all you got for me after last year’s draft was two dolls carved out of soap, some Wrigley’s Double-Mint Gum, two Indian head pennies, a broken pocket watch, and an aluminum knife. That makes me the highest paid recapper?”
I PM’d Waldo. He didn’t answer.
I checked the website MLB Trade Rumors:
“On the fansite front, discussions have apparently stalled between GaslampCorner.Com and OrangeWhoopass.Com for the PadreSapien/Sphinx Drummond trade. The OWA front office insists on GC taking NeilT as part of the trade, GC says they’ll only take NeilT if BudGirl is included. It’s no surprise that OWA wants to get out of the high salary NeilT is being paid. He rarely writes about the actual game being played, and even when he does he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He’s been a complete bust for Astros fans. The Astros are reportedly in talks with Reds fansite, PeteRosefortheHall.com, which is desperate for a veteran like Sphinx.”
I don’t write about the game being played? When have I ever not written about the game being played? I’m a big league recapper, I know my job. I called back HH. Whoever answered the phone–it sure sounded like HH–told me he was in a meeting and asked me to leave a message. I checked the OWA forums, and sure enough, under the “This Week’s Recaps” area of the forum there was a long thread discussing the possible trades.
Moriartp: They couldn’t trade Reuben? He’s good, and I don’t think he’s done a recap all season. I’d hate to lose Sphinx. I always enjoy Sphinx. Without his Wodensday series the Astros wouldn’t have won a game in 2013.
Fredia: Win something loss something.
Austro: Apparently the Padres know that the NeilT recaps haven’t had a hit all year. But man, I’d hate to lose Sphinx. And asking for Sphinx and BudGirl just to get rid of NeilT is insane.
JimR: Boofuckinghoo. You have to trust Waldo and the front office, they’ve been stockpiling talent for this very scenario. We have to sit back and watch this playoff run.
Mr. Happy: I agree with Coach completely. Waldo knows what he’s doing.
I’ve got to tell you, I was devastated. I haven’t had a hit? Not a single hit? I know when I asked them my kids told me they had checked out one of my recaps. I always mention to Kris when I post a recap.
The Astros made a trade with the Brewers, and got Gomez and Fiers for some prospects. I sat in my office this afternoon and followed the trade results up to the deadline. Finally there was this:
“Gaslamp management decides to stand pat. No trade with OWA.”
Gomez showed up in tonight’s game. De La Rossa pitched for the Brewers, and Feldman gave up a run in the 2nd. Anyway I think it was the second. Some other stuff happened. Go check the play by play on MLB.com.
submitted by Neil T